Some musings on a slow Thursday night:
1)[Ace] Young Man, There's No Need To Feel Down -- I've been instructed that I need to say something about the tragic departure of Ace Young on Wednesday night's "Idol." The problem is, there's nothing much I can add. My buddy Alan keeps repeating the mantra that it's better to be awful than so-so on "Idol." And he's probably right. And my buddy Jordan insists that Ace's exit is just an object lesson warning men never to wear their hair in pony-buns. And she's definitely right. Ace was just such an obvious "Idol" favorite on some many levels that people were hesitant to take a step back and say, "Um... Sure he's got a cute smile, but is anything even the least bit distinctive about him?" In my very first "Idol" commentary, I wrote: "Ace is the kind of guy who wins the 'Idol' competitions in other countries. If this were England, he'd be unbeatable for 'Pop Idol.' Unbeatable." I pretty much have to stand by that.
At this point, most of the rage on "Idol" boards surrounds Kellie Pickler and her ongoing presence on the show despite a string of excruciating performances. The kneejerk reaction is to give the VoteForTheWorst folks credit. That's an assine assertion. They couldn't keep Kevin Covais on the show more than a few extra weeks (Eraserhead's Baby, while the temporary bane of my existence, had a far shorter "Idol" run than previous demonic spawn like Scotty Savol and John Stevens) and they aren't what's keeping Kellie on the show. I don't pretend to be a genius on these matters but I feel like noting that the people who stalk "Idol" message boards, while not necessarily Rhodes Scholar Brilliant, may actually be in the intellectual upper echelon of "Idol" fans. Kellie may be going far because some people, dumb people, actually think that she seems like a sweet and cool girl and they actually think she can sing. As always in cases like this, it's best to blame Red Staters and, if that fails, WebTV users. You don't think anybody uses WebTV anymore? I swear we still get e-mails on Zap2it from WebTV users, even if they all live in Arkansas. No offense Arkansas, but you may be Mississippi's Mississippi.
2)Why Bruce's Bowels Won't Move -- Has intestinal blockage ever been the focal point of a full episode of a reality show previously? Because tonight's "Survivor" was kinda yucky what with Mr. Miyagi writhing in pain for 60 minutes. It all reminds me of a vaguely racist (well, not-so-vaguely, now that I think about it) joke.
3)Snakes on a Plane? How About Overkill on a Web? -- If I read one more Old Media story about how "Snakes on a Plane" is the web-based movie phenomenon of the year or one more story quoting Sam Jackson talking about how he demanded producers keep the film's name untouched, I think I'm going to be a little sick. There are no new "Snakes on a Plane" jokes worth making. There are no more "Snake on a Plane" parodies worth posting on the Internet. There are no more "Where Did 'Snakes on a Plane' Come From?" stories worth writing anymore. A ridiculous thing has happened: "Snakes on a Plane" has gone from an inevitably bad movie with a deliriously fun name to an inevitably bad movie that's bound to be disappointing thanks to over-hype in no time at all. And it's still April. The movie isn't scheduled to come out until August. I'm pretty quick on the trigger when it comes to impatience. I get turn from excited to annoyed on a dime. But over the next four months, other people are going to join me. New Line, if you're listening, you have a very limited window to get this movie into theaters and get it into theaters fast. You can either catch the buzz when it's cresting or catch it when it's crashing, but what are the odds of it lasting until August?
4)FUCLA -- I don't necessarily like to broach sports-based topics here, but if Jordan Farmar and Aaron Affalo seriously believe that they're ready for the NBA, somebody needs to give them a good talking to. Farmar's a point guard who can't shoot, has poor passing judgment and isn't necessarily sure when to play defense. Affalo knows exactly when to play defense and he's a good shooter at times, but he needs two more years of coaching and weight room time if he ever thinks he's going to be a pro. If those two coming back, UCLA is an automatic Top 5 team next season. Are those two guys really going to give that up to be bench players in the NBA DL? Oh yeah. That's right. I'm a USC and Penn fan. Go pro, boys... Go pro!
And that's all for me tonight.