Intense negotiations are ongoing about possibly moving these recaps back to the Zap2it.com home from whence they came. That's not necessarily a promise, but if you find me missing next Tuesday, it's just because my recap is elsewhere. If you find me missing tomorrow night? It's because I'm enjoying the killer slug-creatures of "Slither".
Singer: GEDEON MCKINNEY
Song: "When a Man Loves a Woman"
My Take: I don't mind Gedeon, but from week to week, I don't even remember he's on this show. Now that I know he's a mediocre painter, though, I'm sure to remember. He's like a more soulful Thomas Kinkade. It's a totally fine, unspectacular cover. He ends it well, but mostly he cruises along, put little personal stamp on the song and just gets through. I think there are enough people worse than Gedeon, so he just needed not to mess up.
Larry, Moe and Simon Say: Randy thinks he's an a'ight old soul. Paul calls him a showman. Simon calls him odd and asks him to explain his painting.
Singer: CHRIS DAUGHTRY
My Take: Oooh, if Dishwalla ever decides to go on CBS' "Rock Star" looking for a new lead singer, Chris can try out! No. I don't know if anything has happened to original Dishwalla lead singer J.R. Richards (no, not former Astros star J.R. Richard), but I like saying "Dishwalla" and I like noting that if Chris wasn't able to make it big in the late '90s when half the bands on the radio had a lead singer who sounds like him, he's gonna have a hard time making it now. His pained intensity isn't quite as effective tonight, but he could totally sing for a band opening for Pearl Jam. Eight years ago.
Larry, Moe and Simon Say: Randy urges him to rock on. Paula thinks he could sell out stadiums. Funny Paula. Simon worries that Chris may be taking this a bit too seriously.
Singer: KEVIN COVAIS
Song: "Starry Starry Night"
My Take: You've done enough, America. Have you no sense of decency, viewers, at long last? Have you left no sense of decency? Little Bleating Spectacled Fetus has had a fine run. His mediocre semi-operatic voice isn't awful, but how long must we watch Young Kevin standing in the spotlight blinking, twitching and singing out of his nose? Yes. We know. He's hip-hop. Yes. We know. Ladies Love Cool Kevin. Now can he just go finish fifth grade?
Larry, Moe and Simon Say: Randy says something that I tune out. Paula thinks Kevin commands the audience. Simon compares him to watching puppies play. Ryan is an insufferable twit.
Singer: BUCKY COVINGTON
Song: "Wave on Wave"
My Take: Am I actually going to say this? Yes. I didn't hate Bucky tonight. He still needs a major fashion makeover -- start with the hair, move to the facial hair, eventually get to the clothing -- but for an awful song, he didn't sound wretched. The notes are in tune. Points for Bucky. He doesn't deserve to be here, really, but I apparently don't get a vote.
Larry, Moe and Simon Say: Randy is pleased that Bucky doesn't stretch or do anything different. Paula likes that Bucky's stupid. Her exact words are "unpretentious." Bucky doesn't know what that means. Neither does Paula. Simon thinks it was OK. Ryan doesn't understand the concept of identical twins. He's, um, "unpretentious."
Singer: WILL MAKAR
Song: "How Sweet It Is"
My Take: Is it possible to be flatter and more inoffensive than James Taylor? Congrats, Will. It's not a very difficult song to sing. Will doesn't do anything distinctive or special with it. He's just there, half-asleep for three minutes, and then he's gone. His performance consists of a half smile and an outstretched arm.
Larry, Moe and Simon Say: Randy, thought it was below average. Paula's flirting with Will and says he raised his game. Simon thought it was utterly average.
Singer: TAYLOR HICKS
Song: "Takin' It To The Streets"
My Take: THE GUY USED TO DRESS AS THE EASTER BUNNY!!!! Why do I find Kevin Covais twitching so sickening and Taylor's twitching so darned fun? Oh yeah. Because with Kevin, it's a palsy, with Taylor, it's entertainment! He's dancing up a storm tonight. I'd say that he starts off rough and brings it on home, but then I might sound like Randy. That can't be. Instead, I'll just say the same thing I've said several times before: If you don't vote for Taylor, you've got something else to confession to your priest this weekend. That'd be a sin, baby.
Larry, Moe and Simon Say: Randy invokes the pound of dawgs. Paula says she's gonna incorporate Taylor's steps into her next job. So if you see a life-sized Subway sandwich waving its arms like a maniac tomorrow, say hi to Paula for me. Simon warns that Taylor could kill the music video industry, but then calls it the best performance so far.
Singer: ELLIOTT YAMIN
My Take: I like Elliott, but this is just karyoke. It isn't bad by any means, but I really like this guy's voice and this wasn't worth the effort. I'm also a bit uncomfortable with the "I'm half-deaf sympathy ploy." Well, not uncomfortable, but it doesn't make this performance any better.
Larry, Moe and Simon Say: Randy thinks it was hot. Paula calls him phenomenal and amazing. Simon thought it was a cop-out.
Singer: ACE YOUNG
My Take: I'm not completely buying the squeaky falsetto or the skullcap, but this was a better performance for Ace overall. He looks tired, but he didn't look terrified as he has several times in the past. We're three performances in for Ace and I don't have a clue what his strengths are beyond that he's pretty and he isn't incapable of singing. Tonight there was at least a glint of star power.
Larry, Moe and Simon Say: Randy loved the falsetto. Paula thinks it was better than the original. Simon thinks Ace's personality carried any vocal flaws.
TONIGHT'S BEST: The Easter Bunny.
IN DANGER: Well, it ought to be Bucky and Kevin if we're really going to get down to the best six guys. Want an upset pick? How about Elliott and Gedeon.