Take Me to the Pilots '08: FOX's 'Fringe'

[Herein I remind you, faithful readers, that these aren't reviews of the pilots in question. If they were, they'd be much longer and much more divided into paragraphs. In fact, I've pretty much decided that "paragraphs" would be the clearest distinction I'd give between a review and first impressions. Just as the pilots themselves are just a wee bit unformed, these first impressions are also just a wee bit unformed. That's not the same as being a wee bit uniformed, which would involve funny sailor suits, I suspect. OK. Enough of that. Not. A. Review.

I'm not sure when TV critics are likely to get the next wave of screeners this summer. CBS sent out what it had. I covered that. NBC and ABC are still casting and tinkering and in pre-production and whatnot. The CW is shooting the "90210" pilot, but it's hard to imagine them rushing together a rough edit just to tease critics, at least not until we're a bit closer to Press Tour. So it may be a while before the next "Take Me to the Pilots" update.

Nice of FOX, at least, to screen a rough version of the "Fringe" pilot for available scribes yesterday. FOX publicists wanted to emphasize its roughness, though it was complete enough that the effects work looked polished and the location identifying titles, a snazzy trademark for the series, are in place. FOX is banking pretty highly on "Fringe," which will launch with an ambitious two-hour pilot and will then reap the rewards of a "House" lead-in. Put simply, I think they can be confident that "Fringe" will open. Where it goes from there? Who knows? But I sure preferred the "Fringe" pilot to either of the CBS drama pilots, which isn't really a good blurb, is it?

More impressions after the bump...

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Show: "Fringe" (FOX Drama)
The Pitch: "X-Files" meets "Altered States" meets "The Odd Couple"!
Quick Response: I read an early version of the script and semi-reviewed it for Zap2it just before the upfronts. The draft I read was 114 pages, a bit rough and felt *really* long for a TV pilot. The produced version is a more respectable 90-ish minutes. The pilot moves relatively well -- thanks largely to director Alex Graves, who's about as good as it gets when it comes to setting the style and tone for a series in short order -- but I'm not exactly sure that all of the right choices were made in the trimming of the script. The set-up exposition is nearly untouched, establishing FBI Agent Olivia Dunham (Anna Torv) and the mysterious and slightly gross happenings on an international flight into Boston. It's intentionally semi-generic stuff, creepy and icky, but familiar and almost devoid of humor. The story kicks into gear in its body with the introduction of an institutionalized mad scientist (John Noble) and his estranged genius son (Joshua Jackson). That's the meat of the show, the relationship between the father and son with the young FBI agent as buffer, that's where the dark comedy builds. If the "X-Files" procedural aspects aren't unique, this main dynamic is and all three actors are solid. Noble is spectacularly twitchy and endearing as the more-than-eccentric father and Jackson is effectively scruffy and incredulous as his kid. To my mind, Torv was the wild card due to her unproven track record and since I couldn't get a real sense of her personality from the early clips. While her American accent comes and goes -- it limits the expressiveness of her line-readings in a way that domestic audiences have come to expect from the seemingly neverending slew of foreign actors who do the exact same regionless, flat "American" accent -- Torv won me over really fast (albeit may not as instantly as previous Abrams discoveries Keri Russell, Jennifer Garner and Evangeline Lilly). Odds are you've never seen her before (unless you're a fan of Aussie TV), but you'll feel like you recognize Torv, which caused me to spend a while playing the "Recognizable Actress Mash-Up" game to decide which titillating union would best produce an Anna Torv. I'm going with Poppy Montgomery plus Kiele Sanchez, but others' results may vary (I feel confident with the Poppy Montgomery part, but replacing Sanchez with Kate Hudson or maybe Laura Prepon might make sense). She's beautiful, but she doesn't look like a 21-year-old model masquerading as a law enforcement official. She has a smidge of weathering, which I mean as a total compliment. As long as Torv, Jackson and Noble continue to play well off of each other, "Fringe" should work, though cutting to Lance Reddick, as a stern and possibly shady Homeland Security bigwig, is always a safe alternative. Much of the fat from the script has been trimmed from the last act, which now feels a bit too scattered for my tastes. In less than 15 minutes there's one major unexplained character reversal, the introduction of an Evil Corporate Conspiracy (wouldn't be Abrams without one) and the laid foundation for the week-to-week series. Each of those elements feels rushed and, looking back over the script, each of those elements -- all crucial moving forward -- could be propped up with an additional line or two of excised dialogue. If that material was actually shot and if the pilot is as unfinished as FOX publicists tried to suggest, I'd love to see five minutes trimmed from the set-up and padded onto the end. If you haven't seen the pilot -- and you presumably haven't -- that's probably a bit vague, eh? My apologies. This isn't a review, after all. Otherwise... High production values, good location work, nice set direction, Michael Giacchino-esque score (either because it was actually Michael Giacchino or because they were using temp score from "Alias" or "Lost"), some snazzy and gross makeup and practical effects, plus a cow... "Fringe" looks good... I would caution FOX, though, on over-exposure. I already feel like I've seen the same extended ad too many times... [POST SCRIPT: There are two other changes from the script I read that made me pause. One: The Potentially Evil Corporate Entity at the story's center has gone from "Prometheus" to "Massive Dynamics." The old name was obviously better, but I'm guessing it didn't clear, since somebody must have named their corporation after the fire-stealer at some point. I wonder how far down the clearance list "Massive Dynamics" was. I wouldn't be surprised to see that change. Another change, a small one, is that in an early scene Jackson's character is in Iraq negotiating with two shady businessmen who try talking behind their backs. As it is now, he informs them, after they've talked, that he speaks Farsi. This seeming cultural inaccuracy annoyed several people at the screening I was at. In the original script, though, he tells them he speaks Arabic, which makes more sense. Why was this change made, I wonder...]
Desire to Watch Again: High.

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Take Me to the Pilots '08: CBS Comedies

[As per usual: These are NOT reviews of the CBS pilots. These are first glimpses and impressions of pilots that may change dramatically -- casting, plotlines, sets -- before they hit the air this fall. Again... NOT a review. Heck, I've already been told by two people that my first impressions of "The Ex List" are wrong, so who knows?]

Two quick CBS trends after watching the network's available pilots...

1)Gandhi is funny. Both "The Ex List" and "Project Gary" have jokes about the Indian leader. The jokes are very very different.

2)CBS Thinks Minority Actors Can't Act. In reality, network TV is uncomfortable with minorities. It isn't just that all of CBS' leads are white, but all of the second and third bananas are white. Did CBS learn the wrong lesson from the failure of "Cane" last season? Interestingly, each and every CBS pilot seems to have a random ethnic fourth banana, half-hearted semi-token casting in which a minority has been cast color-blind in a role that otherwise wouldn't have needed to exist at all. You have Amir Talai in "The Ex List," Tim Kang in "The Mentalist," Al Madrigal in "Project Gary" and, stretching things quite a bit, Tamara Mello in "Worst Week." Things are so bad that on "The Ex List," Elizabeth Reaser's character doesn't even have a Black Best Friend. How can she possibly hope to find love without one?!?!? The two leads in "Eleventh Hour" are both white and the original cast of "Harper's Island" looked to be 95% white, though that may change. ABC and NBC haven't done much better this development season, though FOX and The CW have hints at diversity. It continues to amaze me that the networks don't see this as a bigger problem.

Anyway, my first impressions of "Worst Week" and "Project Gary" are after the bump.

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Show: "Worst Week" (CBS Comedy)
The Pitch: "Alexander's Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day: The Sitcom"
Quick Response: My instant reaction is that "Worst Week" is an ABC comedy, with a single-camera aesthetic and willingness to bend structure that would fit in perfectly between "Jake in Progress" and "Notes from the Underbelly." That yields a minimum of two obvious problems: The first is that "Worst Week" is on CBS, a network that still believes in the multi-camera laffer (a belief that, based on TV comedy ratings these days, has been validated). The second is that "Jake in Progress" and "Notes from the Underbelly" are both dead, as is nearly every ABC comedy from recent years not named "According to Jim." It's hard, then, to feel all that confident about "Worst Week." That doesn't mean that "Worst Week" is unfunny. It has a frenzied pace that for a pilot yields a slew of guffaws, but I don't really expect it to sustain for an actual series. The pilot takes place over less than 24 hours and finds our hero -- likeable lug Kyle Bornheimer, whose slightly cross-eyed exterior belies a sort of Patrick Warburton meets Richard Kind appeal -- getting barfed on, running around in a plastic diaper, urinating on a goose and all manner of other humiliations. Bornheimer has a refreshing lack of ego, which is just about all that the situation really requires. He's surrounded by capable support, particularly Erinn Hayes, who has proven in both "The Winner" and the episodes of "Kitchen Confidential" that never aired that she's eventually going to be a sitcom star. Or at least that's what I believe. America doesn't know whether or not to agree with me. The casting of Hayes' parents -- Kurtwood Smith and Nancy Lenehan -- is spot-on, but perhaps *too* spot-on. Smith playing maternal menace and Lenehan doing scatterbrained maternity is just a wee bit predictable. I mean, if you're dating a girl and her father is Kurtwood Smith, you have to expect a certain amount of thin-lipped disapproval. That doesn't mean both actors don't do it well. The pilot leaves some doubt as to how future episodes will be structured. Will each episode show an awkward day in the main character's life? Is the second episode going to pick up instantly the following day and try packing a season into a single week? Do other characters get to have bad weeks? And will Tamara Mello be back? I don't know if I've seen her since "Popular."
Desire to Watch Again: Medium. "Worst Week" isn't all that smart or particularly innovative, but it's well-enough-executed. I'll absolutely be curious to see how well it delivers its second time out.

Show: "Project Gary" (CBS Comedy)
The Pitch: "The Somewhat Reheated Adventures of Old Gary"
Quick Response: I don't want to question the wisdom of CBS' programming executives, but it's clear to me that "Project Gary" belongs on Monday night after "Two and a Half Men" and "Worst Week" belongs on Wednesday (if not, as I've already said, on a different network). Yes, "Project Gary" has tons of thematic similarities to "The New Adventures of Old Christine" -- post-divorce family blending and life restarting -- and yes the current schedule gives "Worst Week" a better chance to survive. But the single-camera "Worst Week" is going to look even stranger after the uber-traditional "2.5 Men," while "Project Gary" is as familiar and sitcom-y as it gets. Just about every second of the "Project Gary" pilot feels like a retread, from the central premise, to the annoying kids to the prefab sets to the obnoxious canned laughter at jokes that aren't all that funny. Jay Mohr does his shtick -- though, interestingly, nothing in this character plays to any of his pre-existing strengths -- and Paula Marshall is almost dangerously unlikeable, which is the fault of the character and not the actress, I might add. The sitcom kids are instantly annoying in predictable ways (The daughter's a budding leftist and the show's a socially awkward geek!) and Jaime King playing against blonde space cadet type (something she's done VERY well in the past) leaves her character without any kind of definition. Even though Larry Miller shows up and instantly nails two or three punchlines and gets the pilot's only real laughs, I don't know what jumped out for CBS here. Did the world really need another "War at Home"?
Desire to Watch Again: Low. I'll watch a second episode, just because CBS is my beat.

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Take Me to the Pilots '08: CBS Dramas

[It seems like only yesterday I was getting my first glimpse at last year's pilot. The strike threw my entire schedule off-kilter. Anyway, the same thing I've set at the beginning of every one of these for two years is true: THIS IS NOT A REVIEW!!!! These are my first impressions of the network pilots, usually based on unfinished or partially finished screeners. Many of the pilots will undergo reworking, recasting and, in some cases, top-to-bottom reshooting or reconceptualization. Many of the complains I have about the pilots are things that the networks already know, details that are already undergoing alterations. But anyway, here are my first impressions...]

CBS actually picked up four dramas, but only two full screeners -- "The Ex List" and "The Mentalist" -- were sent to critics. In the case of the midseason horror drama "Harper's Island," I understand the decision not to send out a pilot. The network picked the show up based on a presentation and even that presentation is expected to be entirely rewritten and almost entirely recast. "Harper's Island," then, is this season's "Moonlight."

I don't understand as easily while "Eleventh Hour" wasn't sent out. It was picked up and cast long before "The Ex List" or "The Mentalist" and its pilot plot is taken wholesale from the first part of the original British miniseries, which starred Patrick Stewart. The series will air after "CSI" on Thursday nights and it's a Jerry Bruckheimer production, so CBS may just figure critics don't matter in the process. It's also possible that there's a reason that co-star Marley Shelton wasn't mentioned in any CBS press releases for the show and is barely spotted in the clip reel. I've been told that she isn't being recast. For now I guess I'll believe that, though I wouldn't be the least bit shocked if Rufus Sewell has a different bodyguard come fall.

Follow through after the bump for my first impressions of "The Ex List" and "The Mentalist"...

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Show: "The Mentalist" (CBS Drama)
The Pitch: "CSI: Psych"
Quick Response: The jump-off point -- ultra-observant man used to be a faux psychic now uses his perception to solve different sorts of problems -- is identical to that of USA's "Psych," but this being CBS, "The Mentalist" takes an ultra serious approach. Much of the show's appeal or lack thereof hinges on whether you believe, as CBS very obviously does, that Simon Baker is a huge TV star just waiting for his breakout vehicle. I had no problems with Baker in "The Guardian" and I actually liked him a lot in "Smith," though CBS cancelled the former for no reason and cancelled the latter for the very good reason that nobody was watching it. Baker is perfectly cast here, since he's got very expressive eyes and the point of the whole show is that his character keeps noticing things and the camera keeps cutting back to him squinting and processing data. I've never seen more insert shots in my life, because for this guy, life is just cluttered with clues. The show's main cast -- featuring Robin Tunney, Owain Yeoman, Tim Kang and a miscast Amanda Righetti -- is strong and the guest cast is outrageously guest star laden. If you blow out Steven Culp, Gail O'Grady, Jeffrey Nordling, Zeljko Ivanek and Tim Guinee in a single episode, how can you hope to make it through three or four seasons?!?!? It's been a while since CBS effectively launched a show with tonal variation and "The Mentalist" suffers from being far too serious for its own good. I get that the main character is quirky and haunted and obsessive, but if he doesn't find some levity, this could become an unpleasant slog. The pilot is very straight-forward procedural, but it also introduces a serial killer named Red John, who will presumably be an ongoing aspect. I was interested in the fact that the main character's maverick independence is already grating on the members of his team, who are feeling superfluous. That could either make for a good dynamic, or they'll actually become superfluous.
Desire to Watch Again: Moderate. This is a good fit with CBS' lineup and I'd expect it to be successful.

Show: "The Ex List" (CBS Dramedy)
The Pitch: "My Husband's Name May Be Earl"
Quick Response: I absolutely understand CBS' decision to cancel "Moonlight." Yes, the network opened the door for outrage from a fanbase that's utterly irrational, but if CBS wants to cancel its lowest rated Friday drama, that's the network's priority. No drama returning to CBS' schedule had fewer viewers than "Moonlight" and the network cancelled dramas with more viewers. Stop bitching, "Moonlight" fans. And stop nattering about that People's Choice Award. BUT... If the network was going to cancel "Moonlight," some effort should have been put into replacing it with a show with just a wee bit more broad-based appeal, because no straight man on this planet is going to voluntarily watch "The Ex List." EVER. Elizabeth Reaser is a fine series lead. She's beautiful and capable of being both serious and funny. Rachel Boston has a sexiness and an energy that makes her an absolutely force of nature and Alexandra Breckenridge couldn't be cuter. But there is no genre I hate more than the "Successful and ridiculously attractive woman who has everything she could ever want except a man and thus she remains pathetically unfulfilled even though her life appears pretty great from the outside" TV/movie subset. "The Ex List" makes things worse by putting a one-year timetable on the main character's desperation (a timetable that's bound to cause near-instant narrative problems and self-imposed urgency, a la "How I Met Your Mother"). The ex-boyfriend-of-the-week structure gets off to an amusing start with Eric Balfour playing an emotionally vulnerable douche of a musician. It's the part he was born to play and he's funny enough that you may want him to return. Maybe. There are some sharp lines in Diane Ruggiero script, but they don't mask that it's just women whining about how hard it is to find a good man. And then there's a b-plot about pubic hair. Yes. Really. When I say no man is ever going to watch this show, I'm not kidding. So if they don't hold 100% of the female audience coming out of "Ghost Whisperer," the show is dead and don't expect "Moonlight" fans to be generous about its demise. I know "Ghost Whisperer" skews female and "Moonlight" did as well, but doesn't "Numb3rs" draw male viewers?
Desire to Watch Again: Low, though early fall boredom could convince me to give it a second chance.

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Take Me to the Pilots: ABC's 'Cashmere Mafia' and BBC America's 'Jekyll'

[I remind you here that these aren't reviews. Or at least my take on "Cashmere Mafia" isn't a review. There's still a chance for steps to be taken to make the show stink a lot less, or at least that's the benefit of the doubt that I'll give ABC. My take on BBC America's "Jekyll" probably could be a review, if I cared. The show has already aired twice in the U.K. and the only big differences will be minor edits for content.]

(Unrelated note: You know how some movies get better in your mind as you have time to think about them and mull them over and other movies, well, don't? You may wanna put "Live Free or Die Hard" in the second category. It's not that I didn't enjoy the experience of watching the movie, but it strikes me that my Fien Print rating [67] was much too high. Well, maybe not "much," but it doesn't clearly delineate between "good-fun" movies and "fun-fun" movies. "Live Free or Die Hard" fits in the second category. A movie that may improve in my mind is Ben Affleck's "Gone, Baby, Gone," which I saw last night, but can't even do a Nutshell review because it's four months from being released. Let's just say that the more I'm able to think of the movie on its own merits and separate it from the book in my mind, the more worthy it seems.)

Anywho, follow through after the bump for my thoughts on ABC's "Cashmere Mafia" and BBC America's "Jekyll."

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Show: "Cashmere Mafia" (ABC drama)
The Pitch: You know how you can watch TBS repeats of "Sex and the City" and eventually they cease to be funny and they become flat, shrill and predictable? Now you can save the time and get the same effect from one viewing of "Cashmere Mafia."
Quick Response: Like the ladies of "Women's Murder Club," the high-flying female executives of "Cashmere Mafia" spend a lot of time discussing how men are all cads and how difficult it is to be a successful woman in the world, contentions that I wouldn't dare contest. At least when the characters of "Women's Murder Club" are done with their recycled, over-obvious, often painfully penned banter, they go out and SOLVE FREAKIN' MURDERS. When they're done gossiping like the third-rate "Sex and the City" knock-offs they are, the gals of "Cashmere Mafia" just go off to the most generic office drama imaginable to enact plotlines that couldn't be more predictable. The men in their lives are totally interchangeable, prompting me to think that a great gimmick for a show link this would be to just let all of the men be played by a single square-jawed actor -- let Jason Gedrick play the husbands of all four women to make a symbolic point of some sort. Instead, the men are interchangeable because you couldn't get recognizable actors to play such weak characters. The funny thing is that I don't blame leading ladies Miranda Otto, Frances O'Connor or even Bonnie Somerville for any of my problems with the show. Even Lucy Liu, so prone to caricature (and so gifted at it) that I can't believe her as a real person, isn't bad. They're just trapped in this uber-chick lit bore. Wanna know the saddest part? I was looking forward to this pilot FAR more than to NBC's slightly more comedic "Lipstick Jungle." That augurs poorly.
Desire to Watch Again: Less than zero. I'd love to get those manly CEOs from "Big Shots" together in a room with those womanly executives of "Cashmere Mafia." Then I'd blow up that room, setting all of those talented actors free.



Show: "Jekyll" (BBC America, Drama)
The Pitch: A modern spin on "Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde," sortta.
Quick Response: Created by "Coupling" auteur Steven Moffat, "Jekyll" is a wacky mixture of styles and tones. Sometimes it's a smart spin on the central issues of Robert Louis Stevenson's novel, a man losing control with his own duality and how this sort of unbridled id might be handled differently in the 21st century than in the 19th. Sometimes it's just a creepy psycho-horror drama. Sometimes it's a conspiracy drama of the sort that British and American TV audiences have become increasingly familiar with in recent years. Sometimes it's self-aware near-parody, a compilation of quips and one-lines and winking at the audience. As reimaginings of this concept go, it may not be as good as what Alan Moore did in "League of Extraordinary Gentlemen," but it's a damn sight better than the Sean Young/Tim Daly vehicle "Dr. Jekyll and Ms. Hyde." The anchor is leading man James Nesbitt, he of the generally perpetual hang-dog expression. It's Nesbitt's familiar solemnity that makes his transformation into his darker alter ego so entertaining. It's done with minimal makeup and hair work, plus black contact lenses. But really Nesbitt has to do most of the or himself, giving his "Hyde" side a spin that's part Jim Carrey, part Jack Nicholson, part Richard D. James on the cover of Aphex Twin's "Richard D. James Album." Nesbitt goes from tortured and internalized to torturing and externalized with broad, over-stated flair and it's fun to watch. It's also good to see the lovely Michelle Ryan, she of NBC's "Bionic Woman," sporting her natural accent. And it's different to see Gina Bellman (Jane on "Coupling") is a serious role as the main character's confused wife.
Desire to Watch Again: Strong. Some parts of the first two episodes (to be aired in a single block in familiar BBC America style) don't really work, but enough of it does that I'll be looking forward to see how the story plays out.

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Take Me to the Pilots '07: ABC Dramas

[I feel like I just wrote this yesterday. Perhaps you remember. THESE AREN'T REVIEWS! That would be wrong, wrong, wrong. The pilots sent to critics can change dramatically before they air. They probably won't. But they could. And if they did and I based a review on that original pilot, well that'd be evil of me. But here are my first impressions.]

FOX can take pride in being the only network to pick up a pilot in which a chimp anally violates a human in the first five minutes. Yeah, there's some pride in that. But surely ABC should be pleased to have not one, but two pilots milking comic and dramatic gold from tranny surprises. But not all transvestites (or transsexuals) are the same. No, in "Big Shots," it's a tranny hooker (HILARIOUS!) and in "Dirty Sexy Money," it's just a plain ol' tranny (DOUBLE HILARIOUS!). Other than the annoying over-use of Peter Bjorn and John's "Young Folks" as backing music, that may be my favorite pilot pseudo-trend of the season. To hell with your "Why are there so many British actors pretending to be American?" or "Why is everybody named Chuck?" trend pieces. I wanna know why Steve McPherson is so amused by trannies.

Follow after the bump for my first impressions of "Big Shots," "Dirty Sexy Money" and "Women's Murder Club"...

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Show: "Big Shots" (ABC drama)
The Pitch: "Desperate CEOs"
Quick Response: Darnit, ABC! The time to make a testosterone skewing companion piece to "Desperate Housewives" was two years ago when people still *liked* "Desperate Housewives" and the ratings were going up and not down! Or maybe it's true what Dylan McDermott says in the pilot when he announces "Men... We're the new women." That, by the way, is not meant as a compliment to women. It's pretty darned misogynistic, in fact. Basically, more than a few viewers are going to be watching this pilot -- about four Alpha Male CEOs who seem to have nothing better to do than sitting around getting spa treatments and gossiping about the women in the lives -- going "Dude, since when is that how men behave around each other?" That raises the question of why, exactly, ABC would expect anybody to be watching this show. The leading men -- McDermott, Michael Vartan, Christopher Titus and Josh Malina -- are all variably talented and good-looking and it's my hunch that they talk like women wish attractive and powerful men would talk when they get together. Everything is about their insecurities and their feelings and it's all just a bit insufferable. The performance that interests me belongs to Titus, since he's the one playing most against type. The one I'm most wary of is Vartan's, since he's got some work to do to convince me he's got enough substance to be a master of the universe. And honestly, would it have killed the casting director to have gone non-white with one of the four leads? Seriously, was Blair Underwood so busy? Sigh. Though their parts lacked any shading at all, I liked both Nia Long and Jessica Collins, as the only females with extended screentime.
Desire to Watch Again: Actual desire? Very low. Coming out of the pilot, I didn't care where any of the ongoing threads were headed. Realistic chance I'll watch again? Nearly 100 percent. It's on after "Grey's Anatomy," so I'm bound to give it a second chance.



Show: "Dirty Sexy Money" (ABC Drama)
The Pitch: "Great Expectations" meets "The Magnificent Ambersons"? Too high culture. "Igby Grows Up"? Too indie. "Representin' the Hiltons"? Too potentially litigious. But something like that.
Quick Response: "Big Shots" operates under the theory that even the fabulously wealthy have the same problems as the rest of us, a contention that doesn't amuse me in the least. If I have to spend an hour a week with the rich and powerful, I want them to have proportionately absurd problems. That's just the way it should go. That's why I like "Dirty Sexy Money" so much more than "Big Shots." It's a tawdry New York-set soap opera with a goofy prestige cast. Give me Donald Sutherland with a moustache, Peter Krause doing his "Six Feet Under" thing, William Baldwin gradually morphing into Alec and that's a good start. Throw in Glenn Fitzgerald going deliriously over-the-top as a less-than-holy priest, Samaire Armstrong doing and not-so-veiled Paris Hilton impression and Dakota Fanning's slightly-more-human sister and I'm ready to commit. Actually, I could do without Armstrong, whose Paris is shrieky and shrill. And I don't really need the murder mystery that's plunked down at the end just to give a serialized aspect. I just like the idea of a good man selling his soul to the Devil, as long as Satan is Donald Sutherland with a Moustache. So far, I'm also good with the Greg Berlanti-fication of ABC, a syndrome that has me watching every episode with only one question in mind: Who's gonna turn out to be gay?!?!?
Desire to Watch Again: Medium-to-strong



Show: "Women's Murder Club" (ABC Drama)
The Pitch: Nancy Drew and the Drewettes -- "Sisters are solvin' crimes for themselves"
Quick Response: I've now heard two or three people express disappointment that "Women's Murder Club" isn't about a group of women who commit murders. It isn't. But I'd watch that show. There are random intriguing things about "Women's Murder Club," though, as I look on the IMDB. The non-writing exec producers, for example, include James Patterson (this is based on his book), Joe Simpson (Jessica's dad) and "On the Lot" guest judge Brett Ratner. Oscar-winning cinematographer Dante Spinotti is credited with some photography, which is also peculiar. But oddest of all: "Women's Murder Club" is the only one of these three ABC dramas not to feature a tranny and it's the one set in San Francisco. Seriously, though, I didn't mind the pilot for "Women's Murder Club," but I doubt I'd ever watch it again. For one thing, I'm happy to see Angie Harmon in a better vehicle than "Inconceivable." I'm also pleased to see Laura Harris in a regular TV role, even if she'd being denied the opportunity to use her fabulous comic timing and if her jaunty haircut is a bit too Peter Pan for me. It's also a diverse cast without the sense of forced diversity. Plus there are several male guest stars in the pilot -- Matthew Davis and Robert Patrick -- who could yield worthwhile dynamics if they recur. But am I the only one who reckons that there's something fairly unethical and collusive about the way these ladies are solving crimes? And did this show really need an ongoing murder mystery as a background case? In any case, I'm not the target demo here, so I'll just let this one be. I'd still be happier if Laura Harris had a role on "Pushing Daisies."
Desire to Watch Again: Love [EDITED: Should probably be "Low"], but if I had a slow Friday night (no jokes from the peanut gallery), I might watch another episode.

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Take Me to the Pilots '07: ABC Comedies

[My apologies for the less-than-timely first glance at the ABC pilots. I've spent the past two weekends out of town and I just fell behind on my pilot viewing. Just because I'm behind on my viewing, though, doesn't mean that you should have forgotten the rules, namely that these aren't intended as reviews. They're just my first impressions. Like a Brady going through puberty, the pilots will go through many changes between now and their premieres come September. Does that mean that "Cavemen" might suddenly become awesome in the next two months? No. No it doesn't.]

It's also here that I generally recommend you check out Sepinwall's similarly not-set-in-stone reactions to these pilots. He's so far ahead of me on his pilots that he's started reviewing episodes of a series that was cancelled seven years ago. That's just plain cocky, if you ask me.

Anyway, after the bump you'll find my first reaction to ABC's comedy pilots, namely "Carpoolers" (not funny), "Cavemen" (really not funny) and "Samantha Be Good" (less not funny than the other two)....

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Show: "Carpoolers" (ABC Comedy)
The Pitch: "Men in Cars."
Quick Response: "Carpoolers" is so mediocre and middle-of-the-road that I can't begin to figure out either what ABC thinks its upside is or why this was a comedy that ABC felt the desire to send to series in the first place. In 23 minutes of screentime, I never came close to laughing a single time, but I couldn't bring myself to mind. I guess I think the fat kid from "Stand By Me" is a likeable guy and I guess I'm inclined toward some warn feelings for Fred Goss stemming from "Sons & Daughters" (a show I didn't like very much, but which I *wanted* to like). I've always thought Faith Ford was cute and funny and I feel the same way about Allison Munn, though they're both background characters in this comedy about men going to work in the morning. Huh? Yes. That's the plot and, after watching the pilot, I don't really see where the series is here. Yes, the four men are all in different phases of their romantic lives, but none of them are in interesting or original phases. And how entertainingly can these banal stories be told if they're rendered in the close confines of a fake automobile? Oh and why is this a single-camera comedy anyway? The pilot looks ugly and cheap.
Desire to Watch Again: Low. ABC's comedy development is just a problem.
Possible Role For Eric Balfour: I guess Balfour could probably have played the Tim Peper role as the car's newcomer. He probably thinks he's too edgy for this and, sad as it may be, he's right.



Show: "Cavemen" (ABC pseudo-comedy)
The Pitch: If you're perplexed at how many 30-second commercials Geico's gotten out of this thin premise, wait til you see 22 freakin' minutes!
Quick Response: I don't understand the alternate evolutionary saga depicted in "Cavemen." How did a certain group of Cro-Magnon just fail to evolve over the years? And are there Cavewomen? Not in the pilot. So that means that there have been many many generations of miscegenation of homo sapien women breeding with cavemen. Is the caveman gene just dominant? Can cavemen and human women not have daughters? And why can't cavemen just shave and cut their hair and attempt to integrate themselves into mainstream society as really ugly homo sapiens? These are the sorts of things I saw wondering while waiting for anything in "Cavemen" to make me chuckle. The network party line that "Cavemen" is using its titular characters as minorities to discuss issues of race in America is bizarre and ridiculous on two major levels: The first and most problematic is the notion ABC's schedule is so loaded with actual minorities that the network can afford to let white men wearing latex be the official voices of race-based concerns. If ABC wants to explore issues of race in contemporary America, maybe they'd be better off recruiting minority writers and building a sitcom around minority talent rather than letting a bunch of white guys use characters from a mega-corporation's ad campaign do that job for them. The second level is just how superficially "Cavemen" covers racial differences. A bunch of stereotypical characteristics attributed to other races have been put onto the main cavemen. Does that mean that this is an alternate America in which African Americans, Asian-Americans and Hispanic Americans have total equality with white Americans and have just decided to band together to oppress cavemen? I'd expect a big audience the first week, rubber-neckers, followed by a massive viewer drop and a swift, humiliating cancellation.
Desire to Watch Again: None.
Possible Role For Eric Balfour: It would be too easy to make a joke here. So I won't.



Show: "Samantha Be Good" (ABC comedy)
The Pitch: "My Name Is Samantha"
Quick Response: I don't know that "Samantha Be Good" is a better title for this show than "Sam I Am" was. "Samantha Be Good" is the third ABC pilot that was shot single-camera for no good reason. I know that multi-camera sitcoms are out of favor in the creative community, but none of the three ABC comedies is anything other than a traditional format delivered without a laff-track. Christina Applegate is a dependable centerpiece for a comedy, though there's a bit too much mugging and flailing in her pilot performance for my taste. She's trying to force less-than-funny dialogue to be funny. something that Jean Smart and Kevin Dunn, as her parents, do without effort. Applegate's talented enough that if the material gels, she'll be able to make it work. The problem is that I don't see how the pieces are going to come together in the weeks to come. Barry Watson seems to be part of one show, Melissa McCarthy part of another, Jennifer Esposito part of another and the parents part of another. I see the most potential in the parents and possibly with Watson, while Esposito's stuff isn't funny at all. Since ABC has no marketable comedies, the network has given "Samantha" the best lead-in they have, post-"Dancing with the Stars" on Monday. But is there a precedent for success as the half-hour filling in the middle of 150 minutes of unscripted programming?
Desire to Watch Again: Moderate. The people involved are funny and I'm sortta curious as to what the series will be, week in and week out. I also don't know if retrograde amnesia is a truly funny plot catalyst, or if it's an endlessly renewable source for hilarity.
Possible Role For Eric Balfour: You know, I may finally have tired of this gimmick. Who'd have thunk it?

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Take Me to the Pilots '07: ABC's "Pushing Daisies"

[It's here that I remind you not to view this as a review so much as a collection of first impressions. I doubt ABC would mind one way or the other, though, because I really love "Pushing Daisies." I'll get to the rest of ABC's pilots by next week. For now, I'm concentrating on Showtime's "Meadowlands" (trippy and interesting) and maybe finally getting around to "John From Cincinnati" and "Big Love" (I'm behind). So "Big Shots," "Dirty Sexy Money" and "Women's Murder Club" will go under a separate heading. Oh and although Sepinwall is too busy whoring himself out in the almighty name of Tony Soprano, he'll eventually get around to looking at these pilots.]

Show: "Pushing Daisies" (ABC dramedy)
The Pitch: If you loved "Dead Like Me" and "Wonderfalls" and "The Amazing Screw-On Head," here's a show that may be even more quirky...
Quick Response: I've never seen a pilot that so clearly DEMANDED a "Save This Show" campaign earlier and more urgently than "Pushing Daisies." Well, maybe I have. When FOX sent out "Wonderfalls," I knew I loved the pilot and I knew there was no way it could possibly succeed and it's no coincidence that "Pushing Daisies" is from Bryan Fuller, the man largely responsible for those three shows I mentioned in my pitch, as well as for some of this season's better episodes of "Heroes." The thing that may give "Pushing Daisies" -- about a man with the ability to resurrect the dead, albeit briefly and inconveniently -- is that it's quirky and loopy and whimsical where "Dead Like Me" was quirky and brooding and cynical. While I may have instantly fallen in love with Jaye from "Wonderfalls" and George from "Dead Like Me," I can understand why they weren't necessarily accessible to viewers who, well, aren't me. Despite his twisted past, Lee Pace's Ned is less of a sarcasm-spewing anti-hero than a swoonably romantic lead, which will improve the show's prospects. I liked Pace on "Wonderfalls" and this would be a star-making performance if ABC could get anybody to tune in to a weird-ass new dramedy without a powerhouse lead-in. Sure-thing supporting performers Chi McBride, Kristin Chenowith will also help (as will Swoosie Kurtz and Ellen Greene if they're going to be regulars). I'm tempted to wonder how well episodes will play without Fuller's marvelous wordplay (assuming he won't go all Aaron Sorkin on this one) and Barry Sonnenfeld's direction (the best think he's done since either 1997's "Men in Black" or the pilot for "The Tick," depending on your point of view). Then again, if viewers stupidly shun this one like Fuller's other shows, that won't become an issue. Others are likely to find the visuals, narration (courtesy of audiobook legend Jim Dale) and storybook format to be a little twee, but I didn't. As I said, let's start deciding now what we can send ABC to urge the network to reconsider canceling "Pushing Daisies." Flowers? Pies? Honey? Kristin Chenowith (she's small, persuasive and easily transportable)?
Desire to Watch Again: Strong. To date, "Pushing Daisies" is the best pilot I've watched this summer.
Possible Role For Eric Balfour: The only thing more likely to get "Pushing Daisies" cancelled would be adding Eric Balfour to the cast.

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Take Me to the Pilots '07: CBS Edition

[Note: By now I'm sure you've gotten the point that these pilot first impressions aren't reviews. There are a lot of things that happen before a pilot makes it on air. If memory serves, there's even a Schoolhouse Rock anthem about all of the recasting, reediting and additional tweaking that occurs between pick-up and premiere. Thus, it'd be wrong to do a formal review. Got it? Good.]

[Secondary note: I'm having a hard time employing Eric Balfour this season.]

[Tertiary note: CBS opted not to send out "Moonlight" (the female lead is being recast and it was only a presentation to begin with) or "Kid Nation."]

[Quaternary note: As always, check our Sepinwall's eerily similar impressions. I seem to have beaten him on the CBS pilots. I hope that doesn't mean that he's dead.

Click through to find first looks at "Cane," "Viva Laughlin" and "Big Bang Theory" after the bump.



Show: "Cane" (CBS Drama)
The Pitch: "Skin" with rum instead of porn? "Dexter" with sugar cane instead of serial murder?
Quick Response: "Cane" (which really should be re-re-named "Los Duques") is a Cuban-flavored repurposing of "The Godfather" and "King Lear" all mixed with a splash of rum. It looks and feels like a half-dozen different projects -- a little "Sopranos," a little "Skin," a little "Brothers & Sisters" -- but doesn't look or feel *exactly* like any of them. In addition for serving as a fantastic showcase for every employable Latino actor in Hollywood (if you're not in the pilot, wait a few episodes and you'll eventually get your chance), "Cane" is a showcase for a fantastic battle of goatees, a war in which Jimmy Smits will always be the winner. The middle-generational stuff, particularly the conflicts between Smits and Nestor Carbonell, is intriguing, though the older actors, particularly Rita Moreno, are initially wasted. Worse than that, though, is the fate of the attractive youngsters in the cast, who seem to be burning off plotlines that never got used on UPN's wisely cancelled "South Beach." The pilot has a specific look and rhythm and voice, all of which help mask the fact that the plotlines are straight out of a dozen primetime soaps and even more daytime serials. This isn't exactly in CBS' brand and it won't be the smoothest of pairings with the network's action-driven Tuesdays (it would have been far more at home in several ABC slots or on FOX), but this is a risk I don't mind the network taking.
Desire to Watch Again: Medium-to-Strong.
Possible Role For Eric Balfour: Oh you can totally imagine Balfour as a gringo whose relationship with one of the Duque girls causes no end of agita. I'd pay money to watch Jimmy Smits mock Balfour's facial hair.



Show: "Viva Laughlin" (CBS musical-drama)
Pitch: We've figured out what was wrong with "Cop Rock" and we're ready to try again!
Quick Response: As I've said before, I wasn't a big fan of "Viva Blackpool" and the Americanized pilot follows that initial template fairly closely. Just as with "Blackpool," "Laughlin" doesn't immediately seem compelling enough as a murder mystery/family drama and so the musical numbers feel like they're the only thing keeping the show afloat. Those will be the exact things that cause the "60 Minutes" audience to go into coronary arrest the first time they forget to turn the TV off after Andy Rooney. This is a *horrible* piece of scheduling. I honestly don't think CBS could have found a worse time period and lead-in. But you know who those old viewers (and all viewers, in fact) are gonna love? Hugh Jackman. He's a guest star in the pilot and every time he's on-screen, it's like an entirely different (far more exciting) show. My understanding, though, is that his availability isn't likely to be great and the idea of whole episodes going by without him is a bit sad. That isn't to say that Lloyd Owen is a bad leading man, but he pales in the inevitable direct comparisons to both Jackman and to David Morrissey, star of the original. Melanie Griffith is also pretty good in what only promises to be a guest turn.
Desire to Watch Again: Strangely, medium-to-strong. I want to see where the American team will take it. I want to know how they're going to keep it fresh in episodes 13, 22 and 75.
Possible Role For Eric Balfour: Eric Winter, who I only vaguely remember from "Brothers & Sisters" two weeks ago, has the part that Balfour could have played. Can Balfour sing? We may never know.



Show: "Big Bang Theory" (CBS comedy)
The Pitch: "Weird Science" if the geeks lived next door to Kelly LeBrock and hadn't actually created her.
Quick Response: First off, Kaley Cuoco is no Kelly LeBrock, though she plays the one-note role of curvy-dumb-blonde with all of the subtlety it requires (which is to say none). The biggest problem with the pilot is that creators Chuck Lorre and Bill Prady have written a dumb comedy about smart people rather than a smart comedy about smart people. Every joke is telegraphed and they all have the exact same theme -- nerds can't talk to girls and they drink juice-boxes, but at least they're less pathetic than stupid people. The contempt with which the writers treat Cuoco's character (and anybody with a less-than-genius IQ) verges on offensive, at least compared to the pity and mockery of the nerds. The central device of the pilot -- hot new neighbor's shower is broken, so she has to use the geeks' shower -- is vintage '70s sitcom tripe. Oh and this is yet another CBS Monday comedy with as little diversity as possible. Is there a whiter two-hour block on TV than CBS' Monday comedies? I know she was doing "Football Wives," but tell me this same sitcom with the same premise wouldn't have automatically become better if Gabrielle Union had been cast in the female lead.
Desire to Watch Again: Low. And I say that as somebody who watched every episode of "The Class" simply because it was paired with "HIMYM." Yup. CBS cancelled "The Class" and actually found something *worse* to take its place.
Possible Role For Eric Balfour: Eric Balfour thinks Eric Balfour is too cool to play a Nerd.

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Take Me to the Pilots '07: Fox Dramas

Autopilot on.

[Insert usual boilerplate about these not being reviews here. Emphasize that pilots have a tendency to change form between shooting and airing and that actually reviewing them would just be wrong, wrong, wrong, but that giving a gut reaction to them is right, right right.]

[Explain sadness at the insufficient roles for Eric Balfour and my ongoing attempts to keep him employed, for the sake of society if not my actual viewership.]

Remind readers that Sepinwall is similarly not-reviewing pilots over on his blog and that his opinions and mine are almost exactly the same, but often phrased somewhat differently.

Indicate that complete first glimpses of "K-Ville," "New Amsterdam," "The Sarah Connor Chronicles" and "Canterbury's Law" are after the bump.

Show: "K-Ville" (FOX drama)
The Pitch: "Police Cops" in New Orleans
Quick Response: I just don't like police procedurals. I'm sorry. I had to backtrack through three seasons of "The Wire" because I skipped it due to my distaste for the genre. But I love New Orleans. Always have since it was just a hop, skip and a road trip from my Mississippi home. So I love the idea of FOX taking a show to New Orleans and actually shooting in the Big Easy and bringing that money to the region and I love the idea of any show that can actually capture the flavor and texture of the city -- the food, the music, the architecture, the faces. From the pilot, it looks like "K-Ville" does a pretty decent job of showcasing post-Katrina N.O. and in Anthony Anderson and Cole Hauser it has two leads capable of being both compelling and authoritative. But every time I got engaged in the sociological aspect of the pilot, they chose, instead, to waste time on an investigation that I couldn't possibly have cared less about. And several of the key stereotypical baddies from the pilot -- William Mapother's shady ex-mercenary -- could have played out "Wiseguy"-style in a long arc, rather than just getting wasted in 44 minutes here.
Desire to Watch Again: Low-to-moderate. I'd like for this show to succeed, for the city. And FOX seems to want it to succeed as well, giving it the post-"Prison Break" Monday slot (a slot that didn't work for "Vanished" last season, but whatever). I'll tune in again.
Possible Role For Eric Balfour: I guess he could play a hot-shot N.O. cop with problems with authority.



Show: "New Amsterdam" (FOX drama)
The Pitch: The immortal investigator drama in which the lead isn't a vampire.
Quick Response: Another procedural in which I don't care much about the procedure. But there are interesting angles here that I like: A cop who's never left New York City in 400 years will know things about the city that nobody else could possibly know and he'll have reservoirs of knowledge that nobody else could have. It's not that he's insanely brilliant or intuitive like a Dr. House, but the guy's accumulated several lifetimes worth of information. The logistics for how Amsterdam has been able to live for 400 years without anybody in all of his jobs asking him how he stays so darned young will presumably have to be explained. But in addition to piling up 400 years of experience, he's also picked up enough quirks to stifle a dozen drama leads -- he's a recovering alcoholic who loves carpentry, Red Ruffing and one-night stands. Fun. Fresh face Nicolaj Coster Waldau has a great name and an interesting lingering Dutch accent (Sepinwall figures he just can't do a consistent American accent, but I think it's a "choice"). None of the supporting characters are immediately engaging.
Desire to Watch Again: Low-to-moderate. I'd bet FOX tweaks this one in a hurry.
Possible Role For Eric Balfour: Again, I guess he could play a young, hot-shot cop who doesn't care for authority.



"The Sarah Connor Chronicles" (FOX drama)
The Pitch: Take "The Fugitive" and replace both Lt. Gerard and the One-Armed Man with killer robots.
Quick Response: You hear "Terminator" spin-off and you immediately expect a certain scale, but this David Nutter-directed pilot is admirably restrained, so much so that future episodes shouldn't have trouble living up to the premise. Lena Headey can't hope to live up to Linda Hamilton (she doesn't have the guns or the desperate edge of the "T2" Sarah), but Thomas Dekker has the much much easier task of only needing to be as good as Edward Furlong and Nick Stahl, so he succeeds. Without any question, my favorite part of the pilot was Summer Glau, who gets to use the same dead-pan delivery and dancer's grace that made her so popular on "Firefly." The pilot has to rely on all sorts of narrative tricks to establish its place in the franchise mythology, but after watching for 44 minutes, I don't know what the series is. Two hours of watching characters flee from unstoppable killer robots is fine on the big screen, but 13 or 22 episodes per season? And if the series is really meant to be between the second and third features, doesn't that limit the potential directions for John and Sarah Connor to go? FOX should be able to get viewers to tune in at mid-season (expect the advertising blitz to be nearly unprecedented), but will it follow the "Dark Angel" big-launch-big-drop pattern? It'll be up to subsequent episodes to keep fans on board.
Desire to Watch Again: Moderate-to-Strong (but more based on curiosity than enthusiasm)
Possible Role For Eric Balfour: There's always room in a show like this for an ambitious, young hot-shot FBI agent with an authority problem.



Shop: "Canterbury's Law" (FOX drama)
The Pitch: "House" meets "The Practice" or something.
Quick Response: I'm not one of those people who needs a likeable character to like a show, but I have to be amused by somebody, or engaged by somebody or I have to at least respect or admire the way a character goes about their business. "Canterbury's Law" is a murky, gloomy dud that drains several performers I've liked in the past -- Julianna Margulies, Ben Shenkman, Linus Roache -- of any humanity. It doesn't help that the procedural plot for the first episode is full of laughable moments including a climax that goes straight to ludicrous. Mike Figgis gives the pilot a jittery pace, but the whole thing looks like it was shot through a muddy Coke bottle. This doesn't fit the FOX brand, it's a horrible match with "Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader?" and it won't attract a single viewer from "CSI" and "Grey's Anatomy."
Desire to Watch Again: None.
Possible Role For Eric Balfour: I guess Canterbury's team of reckless defense attorneys could use a hot-shot young attorney who can't abide by authority.

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Take Me To The Pilots '07: FOX Comedies

[All of my pilots clearly say "Not for Review" and I'd like to, as always, make it clear that I don't consider these to be reviews. They're first impressions of pilots that are likely to change in ways that may be minor or major over the next four months. The pilot that stars Kelsey Grammer and Patricia Heaton today could feature Tom Arnold and Paula Marshall by September. Sure, it probably won't, but "What if?"]

[Author's Note: I keep trying to find work for Eric Balfour, but so far he hasn't shown me any appreciation. Then again, Method and Redman haven't thanked me yet for trying to get "Method & Red" released on DVD. It's a thankless job.]

And, as always, go check out Sepinwall's completely identical reviews of these pilots. It's like a mentalist act and he always guesses that what I'm holding behind my back is a spoon.

Click through for a first glance at "Back to You," "The Return of Jezebel James" and "Rules for Starting Over."

Show: "Back to You" (FOX comedy)
The Pitch: If you have Kelsey Grammer and Patricia Heaton, you don't need a pitch.
First Impression: Every season, there's at least one sitcom that makes critics sit up and say "This show sucks, but the talent involved is good enough to sell slop!" Shows in this category have included "Happy Family" (with John Larroquette and Christine Baranski), "Out of Practice" (with half the known comic universe) and last season "20 Good Years." I'm pleased to say that "Back to You" is better than any of those shows, but once again it's hard to know if the material is any good, or if Kelsey Grammer, Patricia Heaton and Fred Willard are just so good that they can make anything funny. The pilot isn't even vaguely involving, but Grammer and Heaton show the ability to spar well. I also have to note that Ty Burrell (late of "Out of Practice") also gets laughs. Less funny are the husky, sweaty, young news director (Josh Gad, suggesting Miles Silverberg with a glandular problem) and Ayda Field's faux-Latina weathergirl. Also, the pilot rips off a key plot point from, of all sources, "October Road." Yes, I know the script was probably written before the ABC man-soap, but you don't want people saying "Dude, you stole that from 'October Road,'" so I'd recommend a reshoot. Oh, and what's the the rise in popularity of the name Chuck? That's Kelsey Grammer's name here. Josh Schwartz has Chucks in both of his two new shows. Adam Sandler's awful-looking gay marriage comedy is "I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry" Dane Cook has a new movie called "Good Luck Chuck," which co-stars Jessica Alba, but which I plan to ignore because, as I may have mentioned, it stars Dane Cook.
Desire to Watch Again: Moderate. There was some early recasting and rewriting, so I'll check to see how things settle.
Possible Role For Eric Balfour: Balfour wouldn't be funny as the in-over-his-head news director. And that might be funny.



Show: "The Return of Jezebel James" (FOX comedy)
The Pitch: "Gilmore Girls" only they're estranged sisters and there's a laff-track.
First Impressions: That laff-track is a problem, at least at first. We aren't accustomed to Amy Sherman-Palladino's dialogue requiring audience approval and it's jarring to hear laugh-breaks programmed into the writing. Also, we always said that Lauren Graham was central to how appealing Lorelai Gilmore was and that with a less winning actress, the role might come across as slightly annoying. And it's true that Parker Posey is initially prickly in a way that Graham never was. I found myself laughing, though, and being impressed with the speed and intelligence of Sherman-Palladino's dialogue, mostly unblunted by the multi-camera sitcom format. Lauren Ambrose and Posey are a great pairing with the material, but after "Gilmore Girls" spending only 22 minutes with Sherman-Palladino's characters feels insufficient. The male characters aren't well-defined, but for now they don't need to be, I guess.
Desire to Watch Again: As uneven as this pilot may be, I still want to see more.
Possible Role For Eric Balfour: I'm sure that Balfour could be a perfectly fine annoying assistant, though I don't usually think of him as being a gifted reader of dialogue.



Show: "The Rules For Starting Over" (FOX comedy)
The Pitch: "Friends" if they were all as whiny and post-divorce as Ross.
First Impression: Before the credits even roll, a monkey attempts to rape Craig Bierko. And, despite cameos by Paul Pierce, Ryan Gomes and Johnny Knoxville, the attempted violation-by-simian is the pilot's comic highlight, unless you like equally low-brow jokes about hookers, 40-something women and sloppy seconds. Bierko isn't an actor on whom I wish bad things, but bad things keep being done to his career. And what did Rashida Jones do to deserve this? She was fantastic on "The Office," nearly making some viewers forget that Jim belongs with Pam, but this is the kind of work she used to get *before* she did "The Office." This is such a step backwards in quality for this fine actress that she might just as well be married to a fat guy in a CBS comedy. Co-stars Shaun Majumder and Johnny Sneed are even less funny than the two leads. If FOX wanted a low-brow live action sitcom, bringing back "The Winner" would have been a slightly better idea. The sad thing is that this show isn't even going for the demographic that FOX likes.
Desire to Watch Again: None.
Possible Role For Eric Balfour: At 30 himself, Balfour is probably too young for this show's brand of humiliation.

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Take Me To The Pilots '07: The CW

[As I mentioned with my glimpses at the NBC pilots, these aren't intended as reviews. Heck, they're *not* reviews. Far from it. That wouldn't be fair. The networks have four months to reshoot, recast, reedit, reconceive and perhaps totally scrap (Sorry, "The Wedding Album") these pilots. Thus, I'm just giving some initial gut reactions.]

[Author's Note: If you don't understand the Eric Balfour thing by now, I may not be able to help you. That being said, I'm having a hard time casting Balfour in the pilots I've seen so far. I'm not sure why not. Apologies in advance.]

Also be sure to check out Sepinwall's similarly not-reviews of these same shows. We may have the exact same opinions on everything, but we totally use different adjectives and occasionally adverbs (all nouns, however, are duplicated).

Click through for a first glance at "Reaper," "Gossip Girl," "Running Wild" and "Aliens in America."



Show: "Reaper" (The CW dramedy)
Pitch: You know those episodes of "The Simpsons" and "Family Guy" where Homer or Peter briefly took over for the Grim Reaper? How 'bout a whole series like that, only with an attractive 20-something male lead. Alternatively: "The Loop" only with less Mimi Rogers and more Satan.
Quick Response: If you liked Bret Harrison on "The Loop," you'll like him here. The premise of a Gen Y slacker suddenly having to do The Devil's dirty work seems versatile and the pilot is a breezy hoot, well-directed by Kevin Smith (words you don't usually utter), who packs the screen with deadpan details. The casting of Ray Wise as Satan is a treat. The only way Tyler Labine's gregariously lazy sidekick could be more obviously Jack Black inspired would be to have the character be the frontman of the greatest rock duo in the world and he may be trying a bit too hard. I like the casting of Nikki Reed as the lead's dreamgirl, conveying both intelligence and off-kilter charm rather than the more obvious attributes of a typical CW bimbo (rumor has it that the network may be contemplating recasting the part with a typical CW bimbo... hope not). If The CW people are smart, they'll give some thought to where they can move "Reaper." This is a show that deserves the chance to succeed, but going up against "House" and the markedly similar "Chuck" on NBC, it'll have a tough go of it.
Desire to Watch Again: Strong.
Possible Role For Eric Balfour: Nothing, really. If he isn't already, he could be a minion of the Devil.



Show: "Gossip Girl" (The CW drama)
The Pitch: Remember that "Cruel Intentions" pilot ["Manchester Prep"] that FOX didn't pick up but that became the really bad "Cruel Intentions" sequel? Make it a little less trashy and a bit smarter.
Quick Response: I'm always happy to welcome a decent high school soap into my life and with "The O.C." gone and "Hairy Palms" due for near-instant death, this should fit the bill. And how nice that it just happens to come from Josh Schwartz and Stephanie Savage of "The O.C." fame. I'm told that it comes from a series of books and that the teenage girls are ga-ga over 'em, but I don't have a Sidekick or a MySpace page, so I'm probably not in tune with them anyway. Since we're dealing with snotty New York private school kids, it's important that the leads not be insufferable. Here, the main characters look to have been well-cast, particularly Penn Badgely (who I've never previously liked on any of his WB shows), Leighton Meester (memorable as the doc's Lolita-esque stalker on "House") and Blake Lively (who has the disadvantage of photographing at least five years older than the rest of the cast, even if she's actually younger). A bit more disturbing is Cindy Lou Who (Taylor Momsen), whose character is in danger of being sexually assaulted in the pilot. Will Schwartz and Savage be able to keep the parents (represented mostly by Kelly Rutherford and Matthew Settle in the pilot) involved in the story? And is there a line they can't cross with representations of teenage drinking and sexuality?
Desire to Watch Again: Relatively strong. I'm not the target demo, but I'll tune in provided the show remains smart enough.
Possible Role For Eric Balfour: Geez. Out of luck again.



Show: "Life Is Wild" (The CW Drama)
The Pitch: It's "7th Heaven" if you replace Jesus with Nelson Mandela and Beverly Mitchell with a dingo (All together now... "Who'd know the difference?).
First Impression: A show that the entire family can watch together that teaches important lessons about South African culture and nature? Nice. I feel bad making fun of that. Unfortunately, "Life Is Wild" (my screener reads "Running Wild") is shot on digital video and all of the pleasures of the location shooting and Real Live Animals are undone by how low the production values are. Sepinwall liked the scenery and wildlife, but for the visual cheapness, they might as well have shot at the San Diego Zoo. Also, I'm a bit sad that Rutger Hauer bailed on playing the crotchety South African grandfather, because the guy who replaced him is no Rutger Hauer. Since I came into the pilot with a healthy distrust of poachers, money-driven lodge owners and wounded feral lions, I'm not sure I'll need to tune in again.
Desire to Watch Again: Minimal, but if "7th Heaven" fans want to gather around to watch on Sunday nights, I'll try to only mock a little.
Possible Role For Eric Balfour: Can you see Eric Balfour as an evil poacher? I can. No part in the pilot, though, is ready made for him.



Show: "Aliens in America" (The CW comedy)
The Pitch: A Muslim in Wisconsin?!?!? How can something so crazy not be hilarious? [My own personal sitcom about being a Jewish teen in Mississippi has many of the same punchlines.]
First Impression: Dan Byrd was one of the few cast members of "The Hills Have Eyes" that I didn't want to see get eaten by mutant cannibals and he's a good Everykid entry point into the series. The pilot, which has been sitting on the shelf for a year, is laced with a bizarre vein of humor and I may need to tune in for a couple weeks just to see if they explain the story of the clown who died in the main family's living room. People concerned that "Aliens" mocks Muslims or people of Middle Eastern lineage need not be concerned. Nope. It just mocks ignorant small town Midwestern white folks, which is totally kosher I guess. The outcast kid narrating his adventures being picked on in school may be played out by this point, but at least "Aliens" is compatible with "Everybody Hates Chris."
Desire to Watch Again: Low. If The CW sends out screeners, I might check out another episode or two.
Possible Role For Eric Balfour: Sorry. This just isn't your year at The C-Dub, Balfour.

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Take Me To The Pilots '07: NBC Dramas

[As was the case when I did this last year, these aren't intended as reviews. Over the next four months, the networks will recast, reshoot and otherwise doctor many or most of these pilots. Some will be shorter, some longer. Some will be better, one or two worse. These are, however, my first impressions.]

[Author's note: In reviewing last season's pilots, I made it my quest to get work Eric Balfour, due to my appreciation for his status as one of TV's most frequently cancelled leading men. Balfour didn't get added to a pilot, but he returned to "24." Then he got cast in a pilot and killed off "24" and his pilot didn't get picked up. With more genuine "Fien Print" favorite Kathleen Robertson doing a Sci Fi miniseries and another season of "The Business," it looks like we'll be back on the Balfour Beat this spring.]

Click through for an early glimpse at "Chuck," "The Bionic Woman," "Life" and "Journeyman."


Show: "Chuck" (NBC dramedy)
Pitch: "Office Space" meets "Mission: Impossible"
Quick Response: "Chuck" is the only pilot on NBC's roster that I would categorize as "likeable." Written by Josh Schwartz and directed by McG, is a nice blend of action and comedy and it zips along effortlessly. As everybody will doubtlessly mention, leading man Zachary Levi is cut from the Adam Brody cloth and delivers Schwartz's dialogue with the same charm (he's also bigger than Brody, which will pay off if he has to travel the world fighting terrorism). I don't know what genetic experiment gave a nice Jewish boy like Chuck a button-nosed sister like Sarah Lancaster, but it's all good. Sepinwall's already noted the similarities between co-star Yvonne Strzechowski and former "O.C." lesbian love interest Olivia Wilde, which I think is reductive. Strzechowski is more like a cross between Olivia Wilde and Erika Christensen, with Wilde's metabolism. She spends much of the pilot in her underwear. Far more dressed, but perfectly cast, is Adam Baldwin, who was born to play dead-pan G-men. I'm a little unsure where the show goes in subsequent episodes.
Desire to Watch Again: High.
Possible Role For Eric Balfour: I'm just relieved he won't be playing Chuck. Nothing else really matters.



Show: "Bionic Woman" (NBC Drama)
The Pitch: "There's this woman and she's bionic." "Oh, like 'The Bionic Woman'?" "Yes. Exactly."
Quick Response: The camera likes leading lady Michelle Ryan a lot and of all of NBC's Brits-playing-American, her accent is the least distracting. I'm struck, and probably surprised, by just how seriously producer David Eick and writer Jason Smilovic are treating this material. I know that you don't want to go full-on camp, but we're dealing with bionic limbs and healing nanobots and other outlandish silliness, but I guess the laughs will have to wait. Now that "Jericho" has officially been cancelled, can we get Shoshannah Stern in to replace Mae Whitman as our hero's deaf sister? And steps will have to be taken to make male lead Chris Bowers less, um, dull. But you know who isn't dull? Katee Sackhoff, whose ridiculously charismatic turn as the rogue original Bionic Woman will have many viewers (and not just "Battlestar" fans) wishing the show was about her.
Desire to Watch Again: Surprisingly high. The pilot may have been a bit self-serious, but it zipped by and the action scenes were superior.
Possible Role For Eric Balfour: Nothing in the pilot jumps out, particularly since I like the race-blind casting of Will Yun Lee as designated Bionic Woman wrangler. Future episodes, though, are bound to require a tech-savvy guy to check our heroine's vital signs, if you know what I mean...



Show: "Life" (NBC drama)
The Pitch: "It's 'Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer: The Series' only instead of a lawyer, he's a cop and instead of being unfrozen, he's just been released from 12 years in jail for a crime he didn't commit."
Quick Response: Damian Lewis is a great, great actor (check out "Band of Brothers" or "Keane") and he's got the kind of driven, manic lead role that you'd expect to see in a British series. His American accent is clunky, but I can't imagine any actor better underplaying the impossible quirkiness of this character. He's been away from society for 12 years and every bit of technology confuses and amazes him. He's also particularly excited by the easy availability of fresh fruit. He's also read books on Zen. We know these things because they're repeated over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again in the pilot. He's not just quirky, he's QUIRKY! Lewis' character is so big, it's actually a relief that he's paired with the petite Sarah Shahi, whose acting abilities remain -- let's just say -- unproven. Her character also is full of obvious writerly tics -- she's recovering addict hanging onto her job by a thread. Melissa Sagemiller and Adam Arkin are in a totally different show, but they pop up here and there.
Desire to Watch Again: Moderate-to-high, completely because of Lewis. I'm going to hope that the myriad redundancies of the pilot were just about laying the foundation and things will be get better. If not? I'll be out soon.
Possible Role For Eric Balfour: Well, Balfour did a CBS LAPD pilot that didn't get picked up, why not bring that character over to this show. He could be a brash young cop who trusts Lewis' character when nobody else does. Or something.



Show: "Journeyman" (NBC drama)
The Pitch: "Early Edition" meets "Quantum Leap"
Quick Response: I've seen "Day Break." I've watched "Day Break" and "Journeyman," it's not that you're no "Day Break," but have I mentioned that I've seen "Day Break"? Kevin McKidd plays a journalist who keeps popping back to different parts of the past, where he's supposed to do something to somebody to either prevent something from happening or to make something else happen. Or something. I stopped caring about anything early on except for the fact that, like "Day Break," it's another TV show about people going back in time to try to save Moon Bloodgood's life, forcing viewers to utilize similar audio clues (musical cliches and sports results) to keep track of the narrative. McKidd has the requisite star presence to carry a show like this (more than Taye Diggs, at least), even if his American accent is downright weird. And I'm happy to watch Bloodgood. But is anybody else in this show? And does anybody have any idea of the mechanism or purpose behind the main character's time travel? It became too much work for me in a hurry.
Desire to Watch Again: Moderate. I'll definitely watch a second episode, but no promises on a third.
Possible Role For Eric Balfour: Since I didn't notice any supporting characters in the pilot, I have no idea what Balfour could do. He could replace all of them, for all I care.

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